forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
