well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
