eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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