sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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