wakey wakey hands off snakey
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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