Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
