uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
