Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
