My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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