Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
