so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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