In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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