I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
