Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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