he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
