Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
