that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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