I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
