i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
