im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we made out on top of his cat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
