True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
