that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
