I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
