He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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