She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
