Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
