just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
