no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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