If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
