Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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