I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
