why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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