I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
