what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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