Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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