Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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