he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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