I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
