Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
