u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
