i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
