If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm like, not good at living.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
