So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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