I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
