Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news, I just burned my penis
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
