dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
