wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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