If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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