I want you more than these girls want KFC
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
