Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
