I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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