I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
