I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
