New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
