He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
