I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
