The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
