If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
