Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
