Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
